Marriage: The Contract You Never Realized You Signed

Imagine walking into a lawyer’s office, signing a ten-page contract without reading a word of it, and then being shocked—years later—when someone actually enforces the terms.

That would sound ridiculous in almost any other context. And yet… that’s essentially how most people get married.

Going in, marriage is widely viewed as a romantic commitment and a lifelong emotional partnership. What far fewer people truly absorb is this:

Marriage is also effectively a legal contract. And most people have no idea what the terms of that contract are.

The Contract You Didn’t Read

When people get married, they generally don’t sit down and review:

• How property will be divided if they divorce

• How income will be treated

• Whether one spouse may owe the other support

• How long that support could last

• What happens if one spouse leaves the workforce

• What happens if someone changes careers

• What happens if the marriage ends decades later

  
  

And yet, all of those rules already exist—whether you know them or not. They’re dictated by state law. Which leads to the first truly bizarre part of this contract…

Your Marriage Contract Can Change if You Move

Most contracts don’t magically rewrite themselves because you crossed a state line. Marriage does.

If you marry in one state and later move to another, the legal consequences of your marriage can dramatically change, even though you never renegotiated a single term.

For example (simplified for illustration):

• A behavior that has no impact on spousal support in one state might be a complete bar to support in another (like infidelity)

• Property that might be divided one way in one jurisdiction could be treated very differently elsewhere

• The way courts view length of marriage, income disparity, or earning capacity can vary widely

  
  

So two people can get married under one legal framework, and unknowingly find themselves governed by an entirely different one years later.

No meeting. No signatures. No warning. Just a new set of rules.

And Sometimes the Legislature Changes the Deal for You

As if geography weren’t enough, there’s another way your marriage contract can change:

The law itself can change while you’re married.

In Illinois, for example, major amendments to the Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act went into effect in 2016 (with even more changes in the subsequent several years). Among other significant changes, the calculations for child support and maintenance (spousal support) were completely changed.

If you were married before those changes, the legal consequences of your marriage still shifted, even though you never opted into anything new. It’s hard to think of many other contracts where the legislature can retroactively rewrite the practical outcomes.

And yet, in marriage, that’s exactly what happens.

Why This Feels So Jarring in Divorce

Most people don’t feel the weight of this contract until divorce is suddenly on the table.

That’s when people often say things like:

• “I never agreed to this.”

• “This doesn’t feel fair.”

• “Why should I have to pay this?”

• “Why shouldn’t I receive this?”

And emotionally, those reactions make complete sense. But legally, the response is often some variation of:

“These are the rules of the contract you entered into.”

This can feel shocking when you never realized you were dealing with a contract in the first place.

Why Understanding This Before Marriage Actually Protects the Relationship

This is where the conversation often turns uncomfortable—because people immediately think about prenuptial agreements. Prenups tend to carry a stigma:

• “We’re not planning on getting divorced.”

• “That feels unromantic.”

• “That means we don’t trust each other.”

  
  

But in reality, a prenuptial agreement is simply a way for two people to clarify the terms of their marriage contract—together, with full transparency—before anyone is emotionally or financially at risk.

It doesn’t mean you expect the marriage to fail. It means you understand that you’re entering a legal agreement and want to define it intentionally instead of blindly.

Why Mediation Is a Natural Fit for Prenups

This is also where mediation quietly offers something different from the stereotypical “lawyered-up” prenup process. Mediating a prenuptial agreement allows couples to:

• Have thoughtful, structured conversations about finances

• Understand the legal default rules they’d otherwise be signing up for

• Clarify expectations about:

  • Property

  • Income

  • Career sacrifices

  • Children

  • Support

• Make decisions collaboratively rather than adversarially

  
  

Instead of feeling like a legal weapon, the prenup becomes what it was always meant to be: A mutual understanding of the rules of the road.

The Absurd Truth

When you step back and really look at it, it’s hard not to see the absurdity:

• You enter one of the most significant legal contracts of your life without reading the terms;

• Those terms can change if you move;

• They can change if lawmakers revise the statute;

• And you often don’t discover any of this until the relationship is already in crisis

  
  

And yet, that is the system almost everyone participates in.

A Thoughtful Invitation (Not a Pitch)

If you’re engaged, newly married, or even just thinking about marriage, none of this is meant to be alarming. It’s simply meant to be informative.

Understanding the legal side of marriage doesn’t weaken relationships. In many cases, it strengthens them because clarity tends to reduce fear, resentment, and future conflict.

If, at some point, you find yourself wanting guidance through those conversations—whether before marriage or after—there are collaborative, non-adversarial ways to do that.